I have internet addiction disorder

Today, I finally figured it was time to put a stop to my down-hilled life. I knew my obsession for using computers was one of my primary sources of laziness so I decided to do some research.

From here on, everything I say will be full of irony. Literally.

I'm sitting down and I go to Google and type "Internet addiction" (ironically on the internet). There, to my surprise, a lot of results popped up. Some say it's fake while others insist it's real. I took this one test that gave me a score from 1 - 100. I got a 89, which is basically fully addicted. I looked for some help (ironically on the internet) did more research. Turns out everyone is categorized. Personally, I was categorized into Gaming and blogging (not this blog). There, it led me to different websites (ironically on the internet) that gave advices.

One particular website that I found to be interesting was another blogger account, which ironically enough, was intended to help blogging addicted users.

anyway, I guess the whole point of this blog was just to point out that internet addiction disorder is probably the biggest form of irony there is. Sure, a person may go to the library or go to a doctor to find out stuff like this, but why go through the trouble when the internet can give it to you right there (ironically).

My math teacher's a racist

No, I'm not just saying this because I hate her. If not for the fact that she treats me like crap, I personally think she's a great teacher.

But honestly, she doesn't even try to conceal the fact that she hates me. I mean, she hand-picks her favorites in the class and treats them differently. Their actually all the kids who gets A's.

Today, for example, was really obvious. I'm working in a group with 3 other kids and she comes over to check up on us. She says these nice compliments to everyone in the table like how "Oh -person 1- is doing all the work again (jokingly)" and "Wow -person 2-, your doing good! Keep it up!". She totally skips me. In fact, if I didn't know any better, I bet she was pretending I wasn't even there. She didn't even look at my paper, let alone eye contact.

Well whatever. She'll soon learn I'm not the slacker she thinks I am...

PS: I'm 100% sure this is NOT her intentions. If, what your thinking is this is her plan to get me to work harder in class, then you sir/ma'am are wrong. I've dealt with teachers who did that and, although all humans are different, she showed no signs of this.

Woo spring breaks over ._.''

And I did absolutetly nothing!!

Never have I regretted not doing anything.

During the whole spring break, if I wasn't at work or church, I was sitting in front of my computer, unproductively wasting my time. While I could have been working on some magnificant program or drawing art or anything productive, I didnt.

Of course, it's not entirely my fault. I've been waiting for this certain "friend" to send me this particular program I needed. He ended up delaying this for over 2 weeks. He was suppose to give it to me by late Monday last week; Tuesday morning the latest. Instead, he makes me wait and hope during the whole spring break. Finally, on the LAST day of Spring break, he contacts me (finally ._.'') and tells me a promised day of late tuesday or wednesday morning the latest.

In other news, my mom's finally leaving to Korea. I'm not exactly sad but I'm not exactly happy.

I guess if I were to put it in a heartless type of man's position, I'm not really happy because there's no one to cook food, wash dishes, wash clothes, etc. etc.

Of course, I think all that's totally worth it for some peace and quite in the house.

If the weather teases me anymore, I'm going to shoot myself

One day it's high up in the 80's. The next, it's raining and below 20. And the day after it's around 60. It's nearing April (pretty much is) and we still have more freezing cold days then mild. I was really looking forward to March but I guess I'm just going to have to wait until Summer officially kicks in....

In other news, life is continuing on in the same, dull pattern over and over. Had to do a piano performace for old people at the retirement home again. I might just be high, but I think I got more claps then usual. Really raised my self-esteem (even if it's just me thinking).

Report cards are coming out soon and my dad will behead me for sure. My mom's going back to Korea for a 5 month vacation. Oddly enough, she's coming back when my summer vacation starts. She claims it's this long "illness" she has, but I think what she really wants is a excuse to not go to work anymore. And more obvious reasons like meeting family members, etc. etc.

Mapleglobal hacking

*sigh*

It was fun while it lasted. Power guard hack is patched today... There goes my one, slight ray of hope on getting to level 90 in a week... I suppose getting to 39-63 in 2 days is better then nothing but I'm still dam disappointed...

In other news, life continually mocks me. Everytime I think I see reality, it closes and I'm blinded by my own thoughts and other's. Man it's annoying...

What is love?

I suppose getting heart broken is simply part of life. No denying that. But what if your afraid of it? What then? While everyone else around you is getting in relationships, your the only odd one out that never felt the satisfaction you get from a relationship.

I'm way too emotionally sensitive to go through all that. Getting denied, breaking up with someone and someone breaking up with you is way too intense for me. For me, the simple thought of someone else getting shattered because of me is enough to shatter me (Even though deep down, I know they'll get over it in a week).

While all my peers already went through this, I'm afraid of it. While everyone else can heal overtime, mine's like fragile glass; break it once and it'll never be repaired.

Of course, right now, there's only one person in the world who has that kind of power. Right now, one of the things that scares the living hell out of me is her denial. That horrible feeling that you get when you want to know something, but your afraid of the answer...... that feeling is something I know very well. What if I were to ask today or tomorrow and the answer wasn't the one I wanted? What then? Would my life be shattered to pieces? Would I go emo and start cutting myself?

Is it possible for love to be only one sided? A shield and not a sword?
...


But of course, who am I to speak? A coward who can't even take rejection...

Money's more addicting then drugs...

The day I got my debit card, I swore to myself I wouldn't excessively spend it on junk that I would throw away in 3-4 months. Here's all the stuff I spent in 2 days alone...


Pending
CHECKCARD PAYPAL *NEXON GAM 4029357733 CA...
-$5.00
$13.67

Pending
CHECKCARD 03/06 PAYPAL*NEXON GAME 4029357...
-$10.00
$18.67

Pending
CHECKCARD PAYPAL *GAMESERVI 4029357733 NE...
-$15.33
$28.67


03/06/2008
KEEP THE CHANGE TRANSFER TO ACCT 1988 FOR...

-$0.01
$44.00


03/06/2008
CHECKCARD 0305 PAYPAL*VALLYCOMMUN 402-93...

-$55.99
$44.01


02/27/2008
Deposit

$100.00
$100.00

In other words, I had $100 to begin with and in 2 days, I'm left with $13.67. The $55.99 is actually a pair of bluetooth earphones that I bought off eBay for an unbeatable price. That is the one purchase that I will never regret in my life, weather I like the earphones or not. However, the other $30 is on a online game. A online game that I will most likely quit in 6-7 months. And I spent $30 on it....

People, you have to realize how much $30 is. Sure, it's not enough to make much of a difference between getting a ferrari and a old a Honda Accord, but at an early age, $30 can make all the difference...